The One-Sentence Hook:
A raw and riveting memoir from a clinical psychologist who spent twenty years trapped in the darkness of treatment-resistant Bipolar II disorder, only to find salvation and a pink spaceship through the transformative power of Ketamine therapy.
The Core Narrative
The Duality of Light and Darkness
Marie L. Moerkbak begins by challenging the reader to understand the reality of mental illness. She explains that she did not choose to live in a “never-ending nightmare” of fear and depression. She establishes a philosophy that suffering does not make a life worthless. Instead, the darkness gives context and depth to the light.
The Descent
The book chronicles Marie’s harrowing twenty-year battle with mental illness, starting from her childhood in Denmark to her adult life in the United States. Despite being a high-functioning professional working toward her doctorate in clinical psychology, she was privately crumbling.
- The Struggle: She details a heartbreaking history of 26 failed medications, multiple suicide attempts, and involuntary hospitalizations.
- The Stigma: Perhaps the most shocking aspect of her story is the discrimination she faced within the mental health field. She exposes how she was punished for her illness by supervisors and colleagues, losing recommendation letters and being barred from her own graduation ceremony simply for being a patient herself.
The Turning Point
By late 2022, Marie had reached the end of her rope. Having exhausted every standard psychiatric option and facing kidney damage from long-term Lithium use, she was preparing to end her life. As a last resort, and at the beginning of her husband’s treatment, she agreed to try Ketamine Infusion Therapy.
Into “Ketamine Land”
Marie describes her initial terror of the treatment, fearing she would lose control. Instead, she found a universe. She vividly describes her dissociative experiences (which she calls “Ketamine Land”), navigating the cosmos in a “small pink spaceship only big enough for two.”
Through these psychedelic experiences, visualizing green building blocks, underwater worlds, and conversations with “entities,” she found what 20 years of traditional talk therapy couldn’t give her: a break from the noise. The depression went silent.
Key Themes & Takeaways
The Patient-Provider Paradox: Marie offers a unique viewpoint as both a licensed psychologist and a patient in a locked psychiatric unit. She critiques the cold, dehumanizing nature of the hospital system while praising the specific individuals (like her psychiatrist, Dr. Patel, and therapist Julie) who treated her with humanity.
Ketamine is not a “Magic Cure”: Marie is careful to manage expectations. She clarifies that Ketamine is not a one-time miracle; it is a treatment that requires maintenance. For her, it didn’t erase life’s problems, but it removed the crushing weight of depression, allowing her actually to do the work in therapy.
The Spiritual vs. The Clinical: As the infusions continued, Marie’s journey shifted from purely medical to spiritual. She details how the dissociative state allowed her to detach from her trauma and view her life with objectivity and compassion.
Why Read This Book?
“The Ketamine Journey” is more than a medical diary; it is a survival guide. It is essential reading for anyone curious about psychedelic-assisted therapy, but also for anyone who loves someone with a chronic mental illness. Marie Moerkbak proves that even when the darkness seems absolute, there are new paths to the light, sometimes they require a little bit of science and a willingness to let go.
